I hope you don’t mind if I share something a bit more serious today.
The last few months have been quite interesting for us. We have had some ups and downs. Many joyful moments and some that were filled with pain. There have been times where we have felt like we should lose all hope but for some reason become filled with immense gratitude. It has been a season of growth, of change, of opportunity.
A few months ago I left my job at Starbucks to begin working in the same office as Jordan. It was an exciting opportunity, as I had little to no previous experience in that position (Admin and Marketing) and because Jordan and I would be working in close proximity. It worked out really well. I was challenged in many ways to build new skills and get comfortable in a new work environment. Jordan and I also really enjoyed working together. We enjoyed commuting together, eating lunch together, making jokes about our coworkers/customers together… It made me feel like Jim and Pam from The Office.
It was a really joyful season for me. I enjoyed the proximity to Jordan, the regular schedule, the free evenings and weekends, making a decent income, and being able to put aside a good amount of savings. We felt secure and ready to move ahead in life.
Amidst this season I became pregnant. We weren’t really sure if we were ready to be parents yet, but we had been considering it for a short while and quickly became really excited for this next step in our lives.
Meanwhile Jordan began to consider his career path. He had already been feeling stuck in his current situation. His passion is music and recording, but with his office job he didn’t have the time to really build a client base and take on many projects. We decided that it would be best for him to take a risk in his career sooner rather than later, before new responsibilities took over. We would take a hit financially, but we could still get by on my income alone. An opportunity became available for him to volunteer and help out at a local studio, and he quit his job in order to focus on music. It made my schedule more challenging, but it was worth it to see Jordan work towards his dream career.
When Jordan was in the last couple weeks of his job, we lost the baby. I was about 7 weeks along. It hurt, physically and emotionally. We had so much joy and excitement anticipating what it would be like to know our little one. We were crushed.
Luckily we found support in our community. We had family and friends who helped pick us up and dust us off. I was amazed by the number of people we know who had been through a similar experience. I was encouraged by their genuine empathy. I wondered about where I would be if I didn’t share so openly about my experiences. Would I have gotten the support I desperately needed? It’s circumstances like these that are difficult to talk about. So often we would be enjoying the lighthearted company of friends and would wonder if it is worth bringing up something so sad and heavy. In our experience we found it was definitely worth it. The depth of our relationships were increased when we made ourselves vulnerable, revealed our struggles, and asked for help.
We slowly recovered, and although we still have moments of sadness when we remember our loss, we have infinite hope for the future.
A few weeks later I was laid off from my job. I was surprised. I wasn’t sure what I should be feeling in that moment. I wondered about how we would make ends meet without any stable or substantial income. I considered the opportunities this opened up for me. The ones it closed. The issue was mostly money. I had decided years ago that I wasn’t going to let money dictate my life. I’m glad I made that choice. Instead of overwhelming anxiety, I felt peace. Instead of a sense of loss, I held on to a sense of opportunity.
With all this extra time I’ve had, I’ve been able to start a blog! I’ve been growing and challenging myself a lot. I’m excited to see where this crazy adventure will take us. I’m amazed by the peace I have had through all of this. There is a great, rich future ahead of us, I know it. I just don’t have any idea what it will look like. But I believe it will be even better than I could have imagined myself – just like how my life has turned out so far – with many blessings that I had not anticipated.
Have you struggled with with an experience you felt might overwhelm you? How do you talk about difficult topics with your friends and family? Have you ever felt peace when circumstances around you have told you that you should feel otherwise?
If you have been through something similar I hope you have had someone in your life to share it with. I want to make this a safe place and build a community of trust and honesty. If you would like to talk with me about these topics, please send me an email at jenniferdrinksteaATgmailDOTcom. I would love to hear your story and to share more with you about my experiences.
Photos by Ivy Hofs @ivyrachel_